A strong woman...

For years, my ex-husband told me that I was a strong woman, I could handle everything, physically, emotionally, and I have to admit when you hear that long enough or often enough, you start to believe it too. For years, I found myself a strong woman ... I was a strong woman ... I did everything myself, no help needed, let alone that I would ever ask for help ...

So, what is a strong woman?

For me, a strong woman was, by definition, someone who does not expose her feelings, she goes on, does not let setbacks get a hold of her, gets up when she has fallen and continues walking as if there is nothing to worry about. She takes matters into her own hands, makes important decisions herself, never asks for anything, never shows that things are tough. Not only does she never ask for help but refuses the help that she is offered, because, who needs that, right? It became a way of life for me, because not only my ex and my family but also my friends saw me like that. And I, even I believed it too. Yes, I was strong and I continued to be strong!

And I was really strong, I compared myself with others who were "weak". Women who were still pretending to be the little girl they once were, who always asked others for help, who could not do anything on their own, who were guided by their emotions, who only needed others to help them ... That was not me!
Although I must admit that sometimes I was a little jealous of those women, everyone pitied them, everyone always wanted to help them, and I had to do everything myself, or thought I had to do it myself. And for a long time I managed that, until now ...

For what is a strong woman?

Must I revise my definition of a strong woman? It is hard for me to admit that I'm not as strong as I thought, or have been forced to think. I have emotions, but I can’t show them. I must admit that I can’t do everything on my own, that many things are tough, I have to admit that I should be able to ask for help, not to abuse the offer of help, but that you should be able to do so if it is really necessary. The problem is, I can not do that, thanks to years of conditioning, years of hearing that you are strong, or strong enough.
Recent events in my life, however, force me to understand that I will have to change, that sometimes it is okay to be vulnerable, but it is not easy. It is difficult for me to accept help offered, let alone to ask for help, because then I need to put myself in a (in my eyes) vulnerable position and I become a "weak" woman. Then I have to admit that I'm not as strong as I thought all those years ... Do I want this?

Old habits die hard

Indeed, old habits are hard to break.
Not just the question: can I be vulnerable? But do I want to be vulnerable? And also relative to whom I am willing to do this. Intimate circle? Family? Friends or even further, acquaintances? How far can or should I go in this? And, can I really do this? And, if it were possible to me, then what’s in it for me? Will it make my life easier, or even more difficult?
I decided to consult the internet and seek what people think about the strong woman. I have to admit, no definition was satisfactory to me, anyway not for 100%. Everyone has his or her own opinion, and all have a different one. But most definitions had one common factor : dare to put yourself in a vulnerable position, know that your forte can be your weakest side.

So, being vulnerable is showing your weaker side?
Is that what I should do?
Is that something I can do?

My conclusion is: I need to change my definition of a strong woman.

What seems to make you strong is not the contrast between strong and weak, but rather to recognize your weaknesses in your strength and to be able to admit to it from time to time. You can allow yourself to be vulnerable from time to time and also may establish, at the same time, to meet challenges, choosing a path, go for it, by trial and error. Remain independent, but at the same time open to the love, the attention and the help of others.

It will not be easy, old habits die hard, but I will get there.
I can work on this.
Because I agree with this definition.

I remain a strong woman, but a strong woman who recognizes her own weaknesses and will learn to live with them.